What to do When You're Having An Identity Crisis With Jess Milad, Retired Snowboarder
Having an identity as an adolescent is incredibly important when it comes to our mental growth. So what happens when we encounter an identity crisis?
Do you remember the Disney channel originals, Brink, Rip Girls, and Johnny Tsunami?
I lived for those shows as a kid. I think I would probably classify myself as a wannabe for sure. And it wasn’t because I wanted to fit in or anything like that but I really wanted to be a snowboarder and I really wanted to learn how to be a great roller blader and surfer. Group in Washington state where the water is cold not great for surfing, the mountains are OK when it comes to potentially skiing or snowboarding, but not the best, and there’s plenty of hills.
So, I threw myself into rollerblading, and I absolutely loved it, until I skinned both of my elbows and knees in a massive blowout. Around that age of 12 I begin to think why is it that I am so interested in these things. I would purchase snowboarder magazine or surfer magazine, and really just trying to envelop myself, and what it might be like to be a professional, surfer or snowboarder.
I knew at the tender age of 12 that there was a very slim chance of me even remotely, being capable of being a professional sports person. But that didn’t stop me from creating imaginary personas about myself that surrounded myself with the sports.
Having an identity as an adolescent is incredibly important when it comes to our mental growth. So in our younger years, we spend a lot of time, trying different things out, testing out different sports, joining theater club, being a part of speech and debate or sports.
All in an effort to figure out who we are, and what our purposes in life. So, for someone like Jess, our guest today who did nothing but ski and snowboard from age 2 until she retired in her 20s, all she was was snowboarding. She learned how to find herself during her snowboarding career so when a major life event happened in her early 20s, she went through a shocking revelation…
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE HERE:
Thank you so much Jess for being on the show I really appreciate your time and willingness to share your story and how you have come to find yourself again.
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Sarah Potter 00:01
Hey there, I'm your host, Sarah Potter. Let's just cut to the chase here. living a happy life is challenging for those with mental illness but not impossible. On this podcast, we'll be serving you a slew of mental health advice from professionals in this space, ways to heal and nourish your heart and soul and kick down the door on mental health stigmas ready to get started strap in for today's episode. Do you remember the Disney Channel Original spring? Rip girls, band Johnny tsunami. I lived for those shows as a kid. I think I would probably classify myself as a wannabe for sure. And it wasn't because I wanted to fit in or anything like that. But I really wanted to be a snowboarder, and I really wanted to learn how to be a great rollerblader and a surfer. Problem was I was growing up in Washington state where the water is cold and not great for surfing. The mountains are okay when it comes to potentially skiing or snowboarding but not the best. And there's plenty of hills. So I threw myself into rollerblading. And I absolutely loved it until I skinned both of my elbows and knees and a massive blowout. At the time of that accident. I was 12. And I began to start thinking, Why am I so interested in these things? What is my purpose in life? What Oh, what do I want to be? Who do I want to be? I would purchase things like snowboarder magazine or Surfer Magazine and really just tried to envelop myself in those themes and what it might like be to be a professional surfer or snowboarder. I knew at the tender age of 12 There was a very slim chance of me even remotely being capable of being a professional sports person. But that didn't stop me from creating these imaginary versions of myself where I was that snowboarder I was that super awesome surfer or rollerblader. Learning about and creating your identity as an adolescent is incredibly important when it comes to mental growth. So in our younger years, we spend a lot of time trying out different things, testing out different sports, joining theater club being part of speech and debate or sports, all in an effort to figure out who we are, and what our purpose is in life. So for someone like jest, who's our guest today, who did nothing but ski and snowboard from age two until she retired in her 20s All she was was snowboarding. She learned how to find herself during her snowboarding career as a teenager. So when a major life event happened in her early 20s. She was forced to go through a shocking revelation. Meet Jess
Jess Milad 03:12
everyone. I'm just glad I am a retired snowboarder currently yoga teacher and training and creative professional. I currently work as a social media manager for I love kickboxing, as well as working with independent businesses to build their brands, websites and social media. Right now I'm in an amazing transition phase as I am kind of growing out of the struggle of early entrepreneurship into finally seeing the fruits of my labor. I am exploring my yoga practice and diving back into things I love like nature. She started skiing at two years old, my mom kind of just put me on these little sticks and I slipped down the mountain and the rest is kind of history. snowboarding in I was in the 90s was still very, very new. They were not allowed on all the mountains yet when I was around five years old is when the snowboarders really started to like ride around the mountains I like was on skis. I was like a little ski racer girl I fell in love with it when I would watch the snowboarders like they we call it like bombing down so they would go straight down to the parks and you could like watch them from the lift. And then they would like go up the jumps and rails and you'd be able to see it as you would go up to lift that bounce. Now, I saw I would just like pointed them and I was like Mom, I want to do that.
Sarah Potter 04:38
And then just transitioned into snowboarding at seven, very much an outcast her first day in Vermont.
04:44
I spent more time on the ground than I did on my feet. My mom kept telling me to just like take my board off and walk home because the sun was setting and like animals were starting to come out of the woods. Yeah. It took us about four hours to get down. I just put that in a frame. takes me about five minutes now. So Oh, damn. Yeah. So it took a really long time for us to get down. I literally on every turn, I like, went down, and then I would fall and then I'd like get back up ball. So it is it is a story My mom likes to tell about, you know, falling and getting up. But for me, I just remember my mom being really cold and very, very sore the next day. But it was a true love of labor. I got up the next day and did it again. And it was just something that like I naturally fell into and absolutely loved
Sarah Potter 05:41
at 12 just had been competitive skiing. And then I just woke
05:45
up and I was obsessed with the snowboarding. So she returned the skis got me a snowboard. She called the mount snow competition team. And she asked them if they had room for girl. They said no. My mom went a little New York on them. And I eventually got on the team. So you know, that was a really big moment for me. And I'll never forget my mother telling me you know, if you're going to do this, you have to wake up at 6am Every morning on your weekends after you've gone to school and gotten a soccer practice and done everything else, you're gonna have a like more of a commitment when you come here. And I didn't blink.
Sarah Potter 06:24
Throughout her early career, she faced some gender discrimination and other social hardships as she was one of very few young women to be in the snowboarding space. But
06:36
like I just loved being on the hill, I loved being out there. I loved the people that I was riding with, I never really saw what I think other people saw. We were just kids, we just wanted to have fun and hang out and ride together. Obviously it was like weird going through puberty, like being around all boys all the time, things like that. But um, you know, they're they became like family to me, and they always had my back. And I'm just super appreciative and wasn't until like later into snowboarding did I find my girl tribe, which was like, Next Level
Sarah Potter 07:14
one year, just made it to Nationals and won her first race qualifying for the US development team with some Olympians and was training at Mount snow Academy. She was master of her trade, which required a lot of confidence. Obviously, you already super competent individual. Do you feel that that was just inherited from your mom and her ability to be competent in a male dominated field? Or do you feel that that is something that is homebrewer that you you inspired your own confidence? Or was it the competitiveness of the community around you that helps build that confidence?
07:56
I think competence is relevant, especially when we talk about our past selves. In hindsight, compared to where I am now in life, I wouldn't call I wouldn't have considered myself confident than but not about snowboarding that maybe that was the one thing that I never really questioned about myself. It was always like kind of part of my ethos, it was part of who I was. And I was pretty good at it. So I did have confidence in that. But it did brew Miss competence in other areas where I didn't always feel very feminine. I didn't feel like like the kind of girl that like boys would look at things like that, because I felt like I was more one of the guys. I rather than like, like somewhat some so I had a phase where I almost like shifted my focus into snowboarding because I didn't see myself as like that female that like you know, like when you're an adolescent, everyone's dating but like we lived in a world where like we were all dating our snowboards where relationships were like very second minded to the world that I was in on the weekends or when I was in my snowboarding world. So there was a transition when I would go back to my normal life in New York, where I was just growing in a different way than everybody there, my priorities are different. So there was a lack of competence at home, and maybe more of one in the mountains. But you know, it was it's a growth, it's it competence ebbs and flows. I had things that knocked me down that I had to come back up from so I do like to think of myself as a competent person, but also being mindful that it can sometimes certain things can be portrayed, right, like, I did all these things, but I was scared. I was unsure I felt all those anxieties just like anybody else would. I just kind of pushed through them and like, tried to if I wasn't competent, tried to just push through it, and do it anyway,
Sarah Potter 10:07
what were some of the emotional impacts of all of this? That, you know, you mentioned that some of this carried through when you came home from the mountain, you know, how did this impact your ability to socialize with other girls? on a on a deeper level? Like, let's dig into that a little?
10:24
Yeah, I mean, it made it difficult I also when you're when you're young, and something that I've always noticed, I was friends with the boys, so I would get to hang out with them all the time. And things like that they were like to get dates are anything but I was always with them. It did stem in hindsight, a lot of jealousy that I didn't understand at the time. So girls weren't always very nice to me. Even if on the surface, they were I did deal with like a lot of like, people talking behind my back a lot of the time. It was not something I understood at the time, why they did it or anything like that, as an adult and as, or, as an adult ish person. You know, I've done a lot of work to understand those things, and to also forgive them because I understand them. But it, it was hard, because I would come home and I would gravitate more towards guys, because they just tended to be nicer to me, because they had nothing to be jealous of. I'm sure some of them had crushes that I was unaware of, because I was aloof to these things. But it, it was always a transition. And I definitely would always have a time where I'd be like trying to be more girly or things like that. I'll never forget the principal or the headmaster of our mount snow Academy at the time. We had a like banquet, and she asked me if I had anything nice to wear. But the boys were wearing like khakis and T shirts. Yeah, so there was like a different expectation that like I would show up in a dress and my hair done. And she asked me to put makeup on and like, I was like, I don't know, I was like probably 1415 I I went home I used to put makeup on I did my hair, but I'm in the mountains like snowboarding every day. Like, that's just not a priority here. Yeah. 30. So there was just like always these little digs at my femininity that were constantly being thrown at me that maybe I didn't realize at the time. But as I said, I find my girl tribe eventually. And that starts to change because I find other women that are or I get? Yeah, we'll call them women, we I think we've become women much younger. So other women that are struggling with the same things that were also coming from smaller mountains, maybe where they were the only girls and then we all found each other. So that was like I said, that's it. That was a game changer.
Sarah Potter 12:52
Before you find your girl tribe, you have your gender and your femininity constantly in question. How did that impact you emotionally before you met all the amazing women that came into your life? And then the second part of that is, how was it after what what was what was so impactful about meeting those women?
13:14
Okay, yeah. So I like I, I had great role models. So Kelly Clark, Jamie Anderson, they were recognized for their talent, more than anything. And I think, ultimately, that's all I actually wanted. I didn't I just wanted people to stop saying you're good for girls. If they wanted to question how I dress off off the mountain, or, you know, like, if I was dating boys, or if I was dating girls, you know, that wasn't really as much of a concern to me even though I do recognize now that it was to people around me. My I think ultimately, what really got me through it was the focus on that I was always raised that if you work hard if you if you do well, your talent, your work will speak for itself. And I think that was the case and I did earn ultimately, not only did I earn respect from women and also earn respect from the men around me, because as you said, people wouldn't have gotten away with what, what they did. And while I you know wish maybe at that time I had the gall to just be like, Hey, you can't say that or like that's not right. Or like girls can do whatever they want. I didn't speak I did. I you know, I think that a lot of I you know, I did, I like feel like I grew up in the best time to be a woman. And I still, I was almost taught that like your actions speak louder than your words. So if you have something to prove, don't say it, do it. So for me, it was like if you don't think I'm feminine, that's Fine, but like, I'm good at this, I'm going to keep doing it. And I'm going to work hard for it. And I think that's really what got me through it is that I didn't see the gender I saw the sport.
Sarah Potter 15:12
That's a really important thing to notate is, is recognizing the sport, not not the criticism of your gender and your femininity, because I've, I think, like, especially through puberty times, like it can be really hard to hear that stuff. And when you are, like, engrossed in your your passion, and really working on being the best at that it can really chip away at some of these really major falsehoods that people state about gender and femininity. So when you when you meet your all the women that have made such an impact in your life, what was so game changing about that? What, how did that shift your mindset?
15:56
Yeah, I mean, there was a lot of I used to snowboard with girls, but I never really rode with other girls that were competing at the same level that I was. So I think when I got to that level, and I got to see that we all had the same struggle to get there. There was like that that bond kind of off the bat where we were all just in it for the love of the sport, we all had to deal with our femininity being questioned, we all had to deal with maybe not being allowed to ride with the boys, we had to deal with not getting the same sponsors. We didn't have any they didn't want to give us money they were using, they would use female models to take pictures, or like magazines and stuff, but they use male snowboarders. So you know, there was this like, yeah, because and like, obviously, that's not the case now. And actually, we have social media that thing for that, which is so cool. Um, but yeah, it was just it was a different world. And also on top of that, we had the Olympics and we didn't have every discipline that so halfpipe would be a discipline slopeside would be a discipline. So only half pipe was in the Olympics. So then there was also like the female slips out riders, we got it a little bit worse, because we were never probably going to we were probably never gonna go to the Olympics because that wasn't Yeah, that wasn't our discipline. Fortunately, I got to witness all of this change and and ultimately be a part of it, which has, you know, while I had to deal with guys saying stuff like that, to me, it's my hope that the girls that are out there writing now aren't dealing with that. And from what I'm seeing, they're doing really well.
Sarah Potter 17:41
In finding her girl tribe of snowboarders and becoming internally confident in herself, just continued her snowboarding career throughout high school. Now, if we remember anything about the early 2000s, it was the era of girl power, the era of women making their own path and paying less for it compared to their predecessors. In the world of snowboarding, this meant the pressure was on. In fact, in a lot of ways, it was turned up a lot higher.
18:13
Snowboarding is the not one for the faint of heart, I will say physically and mentally. I didn't really experience mental obstacles until I was a little older. I would say like my senior my junior senior year. After I took my first bad fall, I had fallen a lot in my career never had an injury bad enough to take me off snow. I had my first injury. At the end of one of my best seasons, I pushed through it wasn't it, I could go back and understand the lug Genet longevity of our bodies, I would have sat that went out and worked harder for the next year. But it wasn't always it didn't always feel like an option. You know, the clock does tick as as you kind of go towards the end of high school because once it's after high school, it's college or career. If your career is not where it is you won't have the support to continue those snowboarding careers. So I did feel an extra pressure because of that. So when I fell I pushed through I pushed through every injury I've ever had. And my senior year, I had a really bad accident towards the end my body physically would not let me get back up. So it was it that was really when I started to start facing those mental challenges in snowboarding during a practice run. Had someone drop in on me so if I'm coming into the halfpipe someone literally came in right in front of me and I was higher out of the halfpipe than they were. So when I was in the air I panic because I saw somebody below Me, and I missed the whole halfpipe wall and I landed on my back. I was I was paralyzed for about five to 10 minutes. I was just sitting in the middle of the halfpipe. I'll never forget, you know, snowboarding was a very collaborative sport in the sense that while we were all individuals, the coaches from the other teams would always help the other kids the kids were we were all always there for each other. It was more about progression of the sport than it was about each individual contest and each individual person. So when I fell in the halfpipe, you know, coaches from every Academy slid into their like, literally slid into the halfpipe, like it was a slide I had first aid who knew me on a first name basis, come in, and I couldn't feel my legs and I thought, my life, I actually didn't think my life is over that my career is over. I'll never forget. I was thinking I'll never snowboard again. I didn't think about walking. I didn't think about anything else. I was like, I'll never snowboard again. I started experiencing panic attacks for the first time, like getting back into the halfpipe not knowing because we didn't talk about anxiety or panic attacks. I didn't know what was happening. I was just like, I'm not doing this. I'm not going in there. You can't get me to do it. And I ran away. You know, like I didn't understand what was happening. And that was humbling. It's humbling to realize you're not invincible. Yeah. These types of injuries, they didn't always come up in X rays off the bat. So they weren't I was diagnosed when they were happening. Also keeping in mind because of the nature of competitive snowboarding, you move around, you're bouncing around a lot. So a lot of my injuries actually took place in different states, different countries, different doctors, different technologies. So a lot of my injuries used to just kind of fall under the radar. This was while it was very clear. I think by the time I got back to the mountain, I was being asked what happened I did not mention that I lost feeling in my legs for as long as I did. I knew I think I knew that I'd be benched if I had done that and I knew I could feel my legs and that it might have been shocked because when you fall enough in certain ways snowboarding you do, you do feel that you do understand the physical aspects of being in shock. So I think I just, you know, I brushed it off like I felt I needed to be tough, but I felt like I couldn't get hurt. I didn't have that I didn't have the luxury of being hurt is how I felt. So I kind of I let another injury go under the radar. I pushed through it. I finished my season. I did great that season. Ultimately, the next season I went into my, the most prestigious, I worked with the most prestigious, prestigious coaches in the world. I got to ride alongside people who not only were in the Olympics, but placed in the Olympics podium medals first place some of them. And that was when I experienced my first panic attack in the halfpipe. And I was there's something called the half drop or you drop in halfway where you're not coming in from the top. So you're coming in literally from the middle. So it is a 22 foot straight 22 foot drop. Yeah. And I had done this hundreds if not 1000s of times before this was nothing new to me. I believe I even did it a few times early in the season. But something about that moment. My body just kind of almost went paralyzed again. I couldn't move I was looking down the pipe and I just shaking my
Sarah Potter 23:55
head with your first panic attack. Did you have many others thereafter? Or did you start to have the therapy sessions kind of help you understand break down some of those really big concepts for a teenager?
24:10
It wasn't one on one therapy. So it was actually group therapy. I can't quite remember exactly how I got through that one panic attack. Like I said, I had blinders on for the sport. I just kind of go through a lot of stuff. I did not really process emotions or trauma or anything like that. It was definitely a coping mechanism in hindsight, but yeah, it wasn't something that I was like, Okay, I have to get over this fear. It was just something I did and I almost like envy. That mentality that like yeah, blind bowl, but at the same time, like the growth that happens when you start to feel things and process them as is much different.
Sarah Potter 24:55
It wouldn't be until after retirement when Jess would begin to fully understand What her body and mind were trying to tell her in the aftermath of her accident. As high school ended, just transitioned into college, attending Sierra Nevada University in Lake Tahoe. During this time in her life, she was balancing her snowboarding, career and college. Remember earlier in the episode when just mentioned, if by the end of high school, your career isn't where it needs to be, in order to make snowboarding a full time gig, you most likely went to college instead. This was just this was just his path. She worked her ass off in college and tried as hard as she could to attend the competitions she wanted to be a part of. As challenging as it was, she made it work. Things were going relatively well until
25:50
my grandmother was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. In the fall of 2013, I was a first semester sophomore in college, I was living in Lake Tahoe, still kind of competing as much as I could. But I had just had my blinders on and went home.
Sarah Potter 26:13
Just put her mind to her family and focused on helping her grandmother return to full health.
26:19
She did not think about my career, I didn't think about my education, I just wanted to go home, I was coming towards a desire to retire, I didn't have enough time to train. So when I did get to contests, I didn't feel like I was at the level I should have been at. I didn't have enough time to train. So when I did get to contests, I didn't feel like I was at the level I should have been at. I will never feel regret for getting to spend more time with my grandmother that I would say was the most pivotal moment in my life. I up until that moment, I like I had blinders on for things like I want to snowboard. That's all I wanted to do. I wanted my grandmother was sick. That's all. All I cared about. My only focus was spending time with her. So I did come home. I had about six more months with her that I will cherish always the after she had passed is when I was faced with what really, you know, like I was faced with like, Okay, now what? I gave up everything I knew for this, and now this is over. And now I felt and then I felt like I knew nothing. Because if I'm not snowboarding and I'm not taking care of my grandmother, then what am I what am I doing? Where am I going? What are my goals? Who am I? You know?
Sarah Potter 27:41
Okay, let's, let's pause here for a moment. What justice describing here is the onset of an identity crisis. It is not uncommon for young adults in their 20s and 30s to begin having an identity crisis when they've spent the majority of their teenage life, focusing on one aspect of their interest or identity. Psychologist Erik Erikson is the original developmental psychologist who created this concept of the formation of identity. According to Erickson, an identity crisis is a time of intensive analysis and exploration of different ways of looking at oneself. Noting, of course, that developing a sense of identity is important during the teenage years of life. So for Jess, she spent her entire teenage life being a snowboarder. She ate, slept, breathed, thought and did snowboarding. So it's not a shock for someone like her or other snowboarders like her to experience this intensive identity crisis after a huge pivotal moment in their life. It's important to note here that the formation and growth of identity is not just confined to adolescence or teenage years, identity shifts and changes throughout life as people confront and take on new challenges and tackle different experiences. So an identity crisis can occur at any age for anyone. As you've heard, just mentioned, she started asking who she is, who she was, what are her purposes? What are her values? What is she supposed to be in this life? Most often people who are going through an identity crisis are probably thinking these questions, what am I passionate about? What are my spiritual beliefs? What are my values? What is my role in society or holistic purpose in life? Who am I? What am I? So the points in time where someone can or could experience an identity crisis may be from beginning a new relationship. If Ending a marriage or partnership experiencing a traumatic event. Having kids learning about health condition, losing a loved one, losing or starting a job, or moving to a new place, or identity is directly tied to our mental health. And if our mental health is poor, it only makes sense that our sense of self is also going to be poor. So in those moments of mental growth, it's vital that we understand how our identity develops. Remember Erickson from a few moments ago, well, Erikson believed that identity was formed by experimenting with different behaviors and roles as well as social interactions. A researcher who expanded on Erickson's theory, James Marcia, suggested that there is a balance between identity and confusion. And that lies in making a commitment to an identity. So how can we go about developing a new identity or coming into a new identity, we can take a look at three different areas of functioning. According to Marcia, we need to look at our occupational role, our beliefs and values and our sexuality. Mercia also identified four identity statuses that people move through as they develop or begin to understand more about their identity. So taking a step back, and looking at the research here, we can see that we need to understand how identity develops, when our identity was developed, see what is causing a shift in identity or an identity crisis. And what part of the identity development journey are we in the four identity statuses that Marcia identified are for closure, which is a person has made a commitment without attempting identity research of their own. The second achievement This occurs when an individual has gone through an exploration of different identities and made a commitment to one. Three is diffusion. This often occurs when there is neither an identity crisis nor a commitment. Those with the status of identity diffusion tend to feel out of place in the world and don't pursue a sense of identity. The fourth is moratorium. This is the status of someone who was actively involved in exploring different identities, but not yet made a commitment. The moratorium status is where you're typically going to see people who are trying to understand their identity or defined what that identity might be. Having an identity crisis helps people move freely from one status to another. But people don't necessarily experience each of the statuses listed. Sometimes it's just one or a combination of two or three. A moment ago, I mentioned how our sense of self in our identity is directly tied to our mental health. But I do want to make sure to note that it's not an actual psychological diagnosis. Identity is a criterion for diagnosing personality disorders. And it is possible to diagnose with an identity issue, or a disorder. So what did just do in order to resolve this identity crisis and improve upon her sense of self?
33:30
I'm not always in the most healthy ways. In the beginning, I worked a lot. I didn't, I guess I didn't really know what else to do. So I got a lot. I was working in restaurants a lot. I was spending a lot of time with my friends. And ultimately, I did, I went through a very, very serious depressive stage, where, you know, I didn't get out of bed, there was no one. It was also the first time in my life that I was really living alone, where I had like, in college, I had an apartment by myself for a while. I also had like a single dorm room for a little bit. But I wasn't alone. You know, like I was in the dorms. My friends were always around, like, even, like there's always people like right there. And I had a community that like, was always around me. So this was the first time in my life where I did not have snowboarding. I did not have a goal. I did not have a passion. I was just literally by myself. Yeah. So I did I didn't get out of bed. I had and you know, with retired athletes, they do say that their depression is really high after retiring, but again, not something we spoke about, even when this was almost 10 years ago, nine years ago. It's not something we really talked about that either. And it's not really something people understood. So it just came off like I was lazy. And like I just wasn't doing anything and I that made it worse because then now all these people who saw me as this, like, competitive snowboarder like going to the Olympics one day, like people put me on a pedestal, life knocked me right off that pedestal. And then I had to also not only deal with like, the internal feelings of not knowing who I was, but then the external views of how people were like, she's just a washed up snowboarder. All I could hear was the outside voices at that point, because I didn't have an internal one anymore. Ultimately, like this was the beginning of what I like to call this chapter, right? Like where I, I started to find my internal voice started to figure out what's what can what will get me up in the morning again, what is going to help me find that passion for life that I once had, that I no longer have. And so as much as I miss my grandmother, I do feel like she is with me every day. That loss catapulted me into a completely different life and almost felt like a different self.
Sarah Potter 36:03
Knowing what you know now about your how your life's path has, or where your life's path has taken you and the experiences you've had along the way. What are some things that you would want to say to girls who are snowboarding now as teens? How would you what would you say to them that would help them avoid, you know, working through an injury that was just not good for you, or having to figure out who you are? Post snowboarding without a snowboard in your hand?
36:34
What would you say? Be kind to yourself, and be kind to your body. And I think, ultimately, I can't necessarily put myself in the shoes of the girls riding now, because I do think that they're, they're in a different world, like, I didn't have social media when I was doing this. But I would just kind of tell them own their power that they that what they're doing is badass, that even still now, they're still like only a few of them. And that, you know, this is this is something that they love, and that they're passionate about to care for themselves first. So that they can continue to do the things that they love. Because these are very physically and mentally demanding sports, whether we see him in the present or in hindsight, but ultimately will be behind take care of yourself if you're hurting, rest. And I think that it's not a sprint. It's it's not and it's not a race, it's you're only competing against yourself. And just make sure you keep the love for it. Because that's really what it's about. Once the loves gone, once the passion is gone, becomes work. And it becomes something that is not why you started. So remember why you started, be kind to yourself, love your body, and be grateful for every day you have on the mountain. How do you take
Sarah Potter 38:05
those pieces of advice into what you're doing now? And, you know, how do you take what you've learned on the mountain and apply it to being in social media?
38:16
My life is all about balance. And I think that something that I finally realized is I love sports where your sideways, right? And then those are all about balance. I love yoga, we we have a you know, balances big aspect of yoga as well. And it took me a long time to find balance in social media. Because in the beginning there was no, yeah, it wasn't real. Yeah. And I think that, you know, the, what's nobody really taught me was again, like your work will speak for itself. Sometimes you got to just truck through and get things done and show with action and people are going to doubt you in the beginning. But I had a moment in my snowboarding career where I was in a do tour halfpipe and like their juniors section. And there was cameras on me, there was a crowd at the bottom, I was on a big screen. And it was the first time in my life where I was like if you work hard, your dreams really can come true. But the gyms don't always look the way you think they will. Right? Like, yeah, I might not have made it to the X Games. But I can still look back on that moment and know what it feels like to be on a jumbotron and to do tour. And that's not an experience. A lot of people get to feel so I'm grateful for those things. So I think that that kind of gave me that like, again, faith in myself to just I knew what I was doing was going to be a job. I knew that there was no way that social media would be obsolete one day, right like it was growing. It had it was never getting smaller. It was only getting bigger then, you know, eventually things started to fall into place. I had the dream, right. I was working at Joanna Vargas. I was a social media assistant. I were working with the biggest thing Windsor's in New York. And then I had an internship with a fashion designer in West Village at the same time and I was living the dream. I was making pennies. I was literally making barely minimum wage. I could have like made more money working at McDonald's. I think I could have even got benefits at McDonald's I wanted. So I freaked out. And I decided I wanted to be a lawyer. So I had, like, a year and a half two year stint where I was gonna go to law school, I studied for the LSAT, I did all the applications. I did a legal internship, I worked in real estate, I, you know, I was gonna go do the boring job to pay the bills. And yeah, when it came time to apply, I actually got recruited for a really big real estate, real estate company in Manhattan. Again, living the dream, right? I had a doorman in my office building that walks you to the elevator and pushes the button for you. You know, like, we had some big clients, I got to go to like cool parties. And like all that I was miserable. I was absolutely absolutely miserable. I cry MasterCard in the bathroom every day, like, I was just so unhappy, stayed there for maybe four or five months. And ultimately, I did have a lot going on at the time personally, ultimately, it was just not the right place. It was a very demanding job. And because I had so much going on that we it was very mutual. I left Yeah, so I hit the job market. I had two offers and social media within a week, all full salary offered work from home. So I had finally that I that was like when I realized my field was back or like my field. My field was real, you know, like, Yeah, real competitive salaries with benefits and valued social media and like help and like graphic designers and copywriters, and things that like I never thought would be, you know, like possible. So I had two offers. I took one and worked for a great makeup company. Tasty for about five months before COVID. And then I decided to go out on my own again. And that was yeah, that was the beginning of another. Another tough chapter. Yeah, had all my contracts fell through. I had just incorporated my business. I was like, I had really big contracts on the line, that they just decided they didn't need social media anymore. And everyone kept telling me oh, like, this should be the best time for your job. Because everything's online. I'm like, Yeah, but no one has money.
Sarah Potter 42:43
That's yeah, that's one thing. No one has money. So I have nowhere
42:50
I had a yoga studio client. So I did have something to keep you really busy, which was super important. And they were able to pay me as much as they could. And we got through it together. I feel like you know, like, I feel like the clients that I had during COVID Four. Were like, never gonna be you know, we'll always be connected on like a deeper level. Because it was something that we like had to get through together even though we weren't physically together. I will say, I'm so grateful for my friends during that time period, any job that they saw that they could pass my way they did. They had extra work even if it was real estate work, they would they give it to me like my friends really kept help helped me keep the faith in myself, because for whatever reason they had faith in me where I didn't at that time.
Sarah Potter 43:48
Do you? Do you miss Nope. Do you ever snowboard anymore.
43:52
I don't get to go as much as I would like I will say I did have a lot of financial support when I was young to do this sport, it is a very expensive, time consuming type sport. So I don't get to go somebody as much as I would like to. I have made it a goal of mine in 2022 to get back to my roots and back to the things that make me happy. And that fill my cup and that that like bring me just just joy. So my goal is the season is to start snowboarding again. But I have you know really dove into my yoga practice and I going back into surfing, which is a little more easily available for me to do as well because I do live in California. So I live right by the beach. So it's a little easier to get there and
Sarah Potter 44:42
yeah, free.
44:45
So yeah, so I'm getting back in touch with the things that my body is excited for. So I'm hoping this winter that somebody follows suit,
Sarah Potter 44:57
going through the exercises of trying to find yourself Not only as a young adult, but as someone who's trying to survive the pandemic requires so much support. And that's exactly what just describes. But for those of us who don't always have the support that we need in order to accomplish our goals, or for finding ourselves again, how do we achieve that? When I asked to just how to incorporate everything that she's learned, and everything that she has been going through into a phrase, a word, she said,
45:30
Honestly, balance, and no, it's just the word. But it's something that really like, hits my core. I think ultimately, my whole life has been about balance, whether I knew it or not. And we've talked about how I would go snowboard in the winter and then come home back to New York in the summer. So my life was always about balance. It was always about balancing many things, whether it was soccer, school, snowboarding, dance, whatever I was doing. So anytime I I have to think deeply about something or I have to make a decision does does it offer balance in my life? Is this something? Do I have something to counterbalance this is this negative? Is there a positive duality is a great word and Ben a journey and even for myself, it's so cool to see how it's unfolding. And to sit here and talk about it with you is like almost like therapy in and of itself, right like talking about my story and like the things that I overcome. And again, like the duality between all that, and bringing it into, like, all together is is a beautiful balance.
Sarah Potter 46:41
Thank you so much, Jess, for being on the show. Like, I really appreciate your time and willingness to share your story, and how you have come to find yourself again. If you're someone who's listening to this and feeling inspired to go and find your own identity, there are a few things I would love for you to keep in mind. Firstly, redefining yourself might take more time than you initially anticipated. Be flexible and give yourself grace and space. Second, you're not alone in your identity crisis, especially post pandemic. There are so many millennials, Gen Zers and other adults who are going through the same exact thing. If you're struggling with your identity, reach out to friends or other supportive individuals you know you can rely on even if it's hitting me up on our Discord channel or finding me in the DMS on Tik Tok or Instagram, you have support and I'm always here for you. And I really want to make sure that you know that. To keep in step with identity crisis, we're going to be speaking with WiiWare about financial guilt next week. As we're going through life as we're experiencing identity crisis and mental health crisis is changes in lifestyle. There may be moments in time where we're overspending or we're not on track with where other people our age are financially, or we're not aligned with our financial goals. And that can cause a lot of guilt. V is going to completely dismantled the idea around financial guilt and do so in the most profound way possible, while also giving Dave Ramsey the middle finger so tune in next week for our interview with me.